China Experiencing Monster Traffic Jam, May Last For Weeks

China Experiencing Monster Traffic Jam, May Last For Weeks

I didn't really like them when I was YOUNG, but I especially hate them now that I'm OLD.

I am of course complaining about traffic jams.  They are humanity's worst development, particularly congestion that arises from bad driving, auto accidents, and construction.

If I could change one thing about the world it would be, beyond on a shadow of doubt, the eradication of traffic jams.

It's the most counterproductive thing in the universe.

Driving a car is pathetically easy.  If the few extra vehicles during rush hour causes you to slow down and/or panic, then you shouldn't be on the road.  Instead you should be put in a "camp" for incompetent drivers (don't worry you'll get visitors every Tuesday and Thursday).

Laws should be changed to moderately punish drivers involved in traffic accidents.  Those responsible (especially those that force ME to sit in traffic) should be made to pay all costs of emergency responders as well as an addition $3.2 million.

Then they should be flogged, tarred & feathered, and forced to listen to Arcade Fire for a week—you know, nothing to drastic.

Needless to say, highways, freeways and major arteries should never be worked on.  They should be made from indestructible, weatherproof material that last forever.

Of course, while I've had some bad times sitting in traffic I've never experienced anything like what's going on in China.

Right now in Zhōngguó, there's a 60-mile long traffic jam on the four-lane Beijing-Tibet highway.  Trucks move less than a mile a day.  Some have been stuck in the mess for five days.

The standstill stretches from Beijing to Mongolia.  I have no idea have far Beijing is from Mongolia but anything that stretches to Mongolia is fricking long.

Chinese traffic aficionados believe the snarl could last up to a month.  Needless to say, 15 minutes after the traffic jam clears up drivers will be ready more.

The good news: motorists are behaving themselves and there have been no reports of road rage.

However, the locals are taking advantage of the situation by selling food and water for exorbitant amounts of yens.  But that's why they are the second biggest economy in the world, yo.

No one has brought in any Honeybuckets, so commuters are forced to either hike to service areas or do their business in the fields.  No word on what they do for twosies.

Many of the vehicles are carrying fruits and vegetables and their holds are unrefrigerated.  Needless to say the smell is a bit rank.

Whoever caused the backup should lose their job.

Basically, it's hell on Earth.

'Barefoot Bandit' Dislikes Attention, Doesn't Want Movie Deal

'Barefoot Bandit' Dislikes Attention, Doesn't Want Movie Deal

One of the signs of being OLD is rooting for the cops to shoot suspects instead of apprehending them.

Basically, when you're OLD you want every episode of Cops to end with the shirtless guy getting hauled off to the morgue, not hauled off to jail.

So it goes without saying that I wanted the Colton Harris-Moore, the infamous "Barefoot Bandit," taken dead not alive.

I mean just look at the kid's picture. He's the text book definition of a "punk."

Even if he wasn't in police custody, even if he was an upstanding human being who read to the blind and baked cookies for lepers, his photo would still inspire intense hatred and violent tendencies.

The 19-year-old hoodlum allegedly stole planes, luxury cars, and yachts and in doing so eluded law enforcement for 2-years.  He was finally apprehended, safely, in the Bahamas.

For some reason, his crime wave made him a hero to thongs of dolts and neanderthals on the internet. Sadly, there are way too many people in this world of such diabolically low character that they can't help but to romanticize and idealize criminals.

There you have it. What more could you want in villain?

Well, in true CHM fashion he "zigs" just when you think he'll "zag:" the kid doesn't want his story told and he doesn't like the attention he's getting.

"He wanted me to give the message to the public that what he did was not romantic, that he shouldn't be a role model," said his lawyer John Henry Browne. "He actually doesn't like the attention he is getting."

Damn you CHM! Just when I was about to throw darts at your picture you wax philosophically through your lawyer.

"He felt if he told [his story] or gave it away, it would no longer be his story," continued Browne. "Almost like, if you look in a mirror, your soul is stolen. It was really interesting."

The kid broke the law and he must pay for that, but at least he's not compounding what he did wrong but whoring himself out to Hollywood.

It's obvious that Colton-Harris Moore has more character than his criminal-worshiping fans. Too bad he didn't have enough character to keep himself out of prison.

Of course, being that I'm OLD I'm also cynical.  These musings could actually be laying the groundwork for his defense and not at all a testament of his sagacious conscience.  Time will only tell.