Wednesday, August 25, 2010

China Experiencing Monster Traffic Jam, May Last For Weeks

China Experiencing Monster Traffic Jam, May Last For Weeks

I didn't really like them when I was YOUNG, but I especially hate them now that I'm OLD.

I am of course complaining about traffic jams.  They are humanity's worst development, particularly congestion that arises from bad driving, auto accidents, and construction.

If I could change one thing about the world it would be, beyond on a shadow of doubt, the eradication of traffic jams.

It's the most counterproductive thing in the universe.

Driving a car is pathetically easy.  If the few extra vehicles during rush hour causes you to slow down and/or panic, then you shouldn't be on the road.  Instead you should be put in a "camp" for incompetent drivers (don't worry you'll get visitors every Tuesday and Thursday).

Laws should be changed to moderately punish drivers involved in traffic accidents.  Those responsible (especially those that force ME to sit in traffic) should be made to pay all costs of emergency responders as well as an addition $3.2 million.

Then they should be flogged, tarred & feathered, and forced to listen to Arcade Fire for a week—you know, nothing to drastic.

Needless to say, highways, freeways and major arteries should never be worked on.  They should be made from indestructible, weatherproof material that last forever.

Of course, while I've had some bad times sitting in traffic I've never experienced anything like what's going on in China.

Right now in Zhōngguó, there's a 60-mile long traffic jam on the four-lane Beijing-Tibet highway.  Trucks move less than a mile a day.  Some have been stuck in the mess for five days.

The standstill stretches from Beijing to Mongolia.  I have no idea have far Beijing is from Mongolia but anything that stretches to Mongolia is fricking long.

Chinese traffic aficionados believe the snarl could last up to a month.  Needless to say, 15 minutes after the traffic jam clears up drivers will be ready more.

The good news: motorists are behaving themselves and there have been no reports of road rage.

However, the locals are taking advantage of the situation by selling food and water for exorbitant amounts of yens.  But that's why they are the second biggest economy in the world, yo.

No one has brought in any Honeybuckets, so commuters are forced to either hike to service areas or do their business in the fields.  No word on what they do for twosies.

Many of the vehicles are carrying fruits and vegetables and their holds are unrefrigerated.  Needless to say the smell is a bit rank.

Whoever caused the backup should lose their job.

Basically, it's hell on Earth.

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