Adage

When you’re young you believe in stupid, optimistic adages that look great on paper and help you score chicks. When you become Old, you realize they are really quite useless and the chicks they scored had body odor problems.

For instance, “Money can’t buy happiness.” It most certainly can and it can buy a lot of it. Anyone who tells you money doesn’t buy happiness is either rich or a fool… or both. Another great one: “violence never solved anything.” Violence solves everything, why do you think cops carry guns and not fluffy pillows to apprehend suspects?

There’s the oldie but goody, “make love not war.” As you become Old, you realize you can do both. “Not all who wander are lost,” yes they are. Have you seen the wanders? If they aren’t lost than they need some serious help.

True wisdom doesn’t fit on a bumper sticker, it doesn’t rhyme, and it’s not set to music. Except the line “be-bop-a-lula, she's my baby,” that was pretty clever. True wisdom is...

Throne

One of the great things about being old, besides being the object of the youth’s mistrust and angst, is gaining wisdom. One of the things I’ve learned in my old age is why the toilet is called the throne. It’s called a throne because old people sit on it as much as a king sits on his throne. I would put a television in the bathroom, but I don’t want to watch that much T.V.. I bring a lunch in there; it saves me a trip.