Bono's Bad Back Postpones U2's 2010 North American Tour

Bono's Back Postpones U2's North American Tour

You know you're OLD when the rockers of your youth start suffering from the same aliments that plague your grandparents.

These lame aliments involve mucous, puss, and phlegm and they need rehabilitation that requires canes, walkers, and trusses.

One such victim of this phenomenon was hitherto the coolest frontman on the face of the Earth.

On May 21, 2010 U2's Bono underwent emergency back surgery.

"Am I bugging you? I didn't mean to bug you," said Bono's back to Bono.

Surgery went well but Bono will need eight weeks to recover and U2's North American tour was postponed to 2011.

In a split-second Bono went from desirable rock star to Uncle Paul with the achin' back.

Meanwhile, Poison's Bret Michaels suffered a brain hemorrhage, a stroke, and a hole in his heart.

"Don't need nothing but hemorrhage, how can I get rid of this?"

When you're young your contemporaries suffer from romantic aliments like overdoses, car accidents, and suicides.

But when you're OLD they suffer from embarrassing ails like bad backs, strokes, and getting holes in internal organs.

To make matters worse, Bono and Bret Michaels probably take medication from one of those containers that are labeled with the days of the week.

It's perfectly acceptable if a rocker is in rehab. It's sad if the rocker needs a geriatrician.

The Fourth Hour

Tomorrow, Kathy Lee Gifford starts her tenure on the Fourth Hour (of the Today Show). She said that if you’re going to return television you might as well come back on the “mother of all television shows.” The Today Show is the “mother of all television shows,” but the fourth hour of the Today Show is the “third cousin twice removed of all television shows.” Being on the fourth hour of the Today Show is like being Bono’s plumber and saying you’re a member of U2. The only reason why the Today Show has a fourth hour is because NBC can make more money insulting us with idiotic cooking segments or fashion tips for fat housewives than they can with Super Password or that guy in the question mark suit yelling about all the money the government is giving away. Still, I’ll turn in to watch, should be a classic train wreck.