Talking On The Phone

The older you get, the less you enjoy talking on the phone. If you couple that with being a man, then talking on the phone is one notch above a colonoscopy.

Inevitably, someone calls when you're in the middle of something. Since you're old, you're always in the middle of something.

Since you're old and you're going to die soon, you really don't want to waste time talking on the phone.

So how do you get out of it?

You get out of it the same way old people get out of everything, by giving the impression that you can't do it. When you're young and can't do something, people are inclined to teach you. But when you're old and can't do something, people give up on you and move on.

So to prevent people from calling and annoying you, here is a list of words you should use the next time the phone rings. Stick to these words, and only these words. If you do, eventually no one will ever want to speak to you on the phone again.

Hey.
Alright or ah right.
Fine.
No.
Yeah (never "yes").
Sure.
Yeah sure.
Okay.
Dunno (never "don't know")..
Whatever.
Multilateral Nuclear Disarmament.
Uh-uh.
Chicken (when ask what you want to eat).
Don't care.
Good.
Bye.
[sigh as much as possible]
[never ask a question]
[try to create long awkward moments of silence]