Waistband

Getting old means getting fatter; this wouldn’t be so bad if I wasn’t fat to begin with. It use to be that I could drink alcohol all weekend, eat whatever I want and not gain a pound. Now, if I don’t run a marathon every other day, I'll gain a dozen pounds. And I can’t run a marathon if I spread it out over fifty days. My jeans are so tight; my inny is now an outy. I only wear a belt for cosmetic purposes. When I sit down my fat presses against my jean’s waistband so hard it cuts off circulation to my lower extremities. The worst part of it is, I still go to the gym every day.