One of the things I’m looking forward to as I age is accidentally stepping on the gas pedal when I intended to step on the brake. This mistake usually results in the car crashing into something, usually a building or a crowd of people. You’ll see this story on this news, about once a month. Some old lady hits the gas pedal instead of the break and crashes into a Rite-aid or Walgreens. Or some old dude will mistakenly gun it and take out a dozen or so people at an outdoor market or a Chicago concert. It highlights one of the greatest things about our society; I can take a ONE shot of tequila before picking up my kid from Gymboree and I lose my license for year. But if I’m old enough to have been at Moses’ bar mitzvah and I can legally drive around as much as I want.
What Is Old?
Old has nothing to do with age. Instead, Old is the condition of rejecting new ideas, longing for the past, scorning the future, and refusing to update one's view of the world.
Mission Statement
This blog’s mission is to accurately chronicle the descent of a once happy, well-adjusted adult as he tumbles helplessly into the abyss of bitterness, hatred and callousness. To fulfill this mission, no words are barred, no tradition is held sacred and no insult is deemed insensitive. As technology marches forward, man’s aging process is constantly being accelerated by social, economic and artistic changes. Medicine is prolonging life and slowing down the aging process, but society keeps inappropriately coveting youth by continually redefining what is considered young. How can a man cope in a world where his body stays younger longer but his culture says he’s older sooner? This blog will attempt to answer those questions. And if space allows we will also have pictures of cute cats!
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Things You Can't Do When You're Old
- Drink heavily
- Stay up all night
- Hope
- Fall in love
- Try new things
- Touch your toes
- Dream
- Eat spicy foods
- Improve
- Drive at night
Why Being Young Is Better Than Being Old
- You have no shame
- Understand new technology
- You're faster
- Can buy things you don't need
- Can be sexy w/o being creepy
- Not bitter yet
- Watch movies in theaters
- Your ears work
- Can eat anything you want
- To stupid to know better
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