Young People Shouldn't Vote

The biggest mid-term election in the history of humanity is Tuesday.  It's a day when all eligible Americans can employ their greatest right--their right to vote.  And with their vote they can change the course of history or keep the course the same.

With that being said I hope not everyone votes.  No, I'm not one of those smarmy democrats, smug comedians, or cackling hens from The View who think voting registration should be based on your ability to name every MSNBC hosts.  No, the only people I want to keep away from the polls are young people.

Young people shouldn't vote.  They don't know anything.  They have no wisdom.  They have no experience. They think the coolest candidate is the best.  They don't do any research.  they don't read the voters pamphlet.  They just vote for whoever Lady Gaga, Bono, or Jim J. Bullock tells them to vote for.

I don't know youth voting statistics but if I did I bet they would reveal that young people vote for all the wrong candidates. It would surely show that youths vote for candidates who raise taxes, increase taxes, and not lower taxes.

Look at the 2008 election.  Every young person old enough to hang a chad was out there with their Obama jersey and their Barrack badges swooning at the Second Coming.  Voting for him was supposed to be a transcendent moment.  He was the Savior after all.

Fast forward two years and just about everyone who was in the Chosen One's corner is now running away.  Hardly any of the democratic congressional incumbents are running on The One's legislative accomplishments, The Savior didn't unite the country he divided it further, thanks to The Messiah the terrorists not only hate us but they think we're a joke too, and the economy has only gotten worse.

Fortunately, his ascendancy caused most of those juvenile punks to learn a valuable life lesson.  It's a lesson that OLD people already knew.  That lesson is every election offers voters the choice between the lesser of two evils.  There is no Savior.  There are no candidates that can walk on Lake Michigan.

While the 2008 election had an historical element, never again will the annuals of history matter.  From now on you're just voting for politicians.  You were before but you were just too ignorant to realize.

That is why voter registration should be left to those who are old enough to remember The Rock as a wrestler, The Daily Show with Craig Kilborn, and Betty White before she was kitsch.

If we leave voting to the OLD people we might be able to avoid a repeat of 2008.

Bono's Bad Back Postpones U2's 2010 North American Tour

Bono's Back Postpones U2's North American Tour

You know you're OLD when the rockers of your youth start suffering from the same aliments that plague your grandparents.

These lame aliments involve mucous, puss, and phlegm and they need rehabilitation that requires canes, walkers, and trusses.

One such victim of this phenomenon was hitherto the coolest frontman on the face of the Earth.

On May 21, 2010 U2's Bono underwent emergency back surgery.

"Am I bugging you? I didn't mean to bug you," said Bono's back to Bono.

Surgery went well but Bono will need eight weeks to recover and U2's North American tour was postponed to 2011.

In a split-second Bono went from desirable rock star to Uncle Paul with the achin' back.

Meanwhile, Poison's Bret Michaels suffered a brain hemorrhage, a stroke, and a hole in his heart.

"Don't need nothing but hemorrhage, how can I get rid of this?"

When you're young your contemporaries suffer from romantic aliments like overdoses, car accidents, and suicides.

But when you're OLD they suffer from embarrassing ails like bad backs, strokes, and getting holes in internal organs.

To make matters worse, Bono and Bret Michaels probably take medication from one of those containers that are labeled with the days of the week.

It's perfectly acceptable if a rocker is in rehab. It's sad if the rocker needs a geriatrician.