Noah's Ark Found on Turkish Mountaintop

Noah's Ark Found on Turkish Mountaintop

A group of evangelical explorers claim they've discovered wooden remains on Mount Ararat in eastern Turkey that are from Noah's Ark.

According to them, carbon dating proves the relics are 4,800 years old. That age corresponds to the alleged era of Noah's Ark and Larry King's senior year of high school

Mount Ararat has long been consider the resting place of Noah's Ark--the biblical seafaring vessel Noah built to rescue two of every animal from a flood created by God to kill sinners.

"It's not 100 percent that it is Noah's Ark, but we think it is 99.9 percent that this is it," said Yeung Wing-Cheung of the Noah's Ark Ministries International research team.

The desire to find the Ark of Noah is a) to land chicks and b) to prove the literalness of the bible.

"The significance of this find is that for the first time in history the discovery of Noah’s Ark is well documented and revealed to the worldwide community. There’s a tremendous amount of solid evidence that the structure found on Mount Ararat in Eastern Turkey is the legendary Ark of Noah.” - Dutch Ark researcher Gerrit Aalten

Without examining the artifacts myself, I know (with all due respect)that the Noah's Ark Ministries International has not found Noah's ark.

One of the many by-products of being OLD, and one of the few that doesn't involve phlegm, is knowing that fun stuff like Noah's Ark doesn't exist in the real world.

It's just how the universe works. You want female lizards who can reproduce without sperm or a chimpanzee that knows sign language? Bam! you got it. You want a boat that carried two of every animal during a world wide flood 4,800 years ago? Fail!

The Loch Ness Monster, the Holy Grail, Big Foot, the Shroud of Turin, ancient aliens, crop circles, moderate liberals, a second gunmen, Atlantis, and the Bermuda Triangle are all things that either don't exist, or don't exist as indicated by conspiracy theories or the 1970's show In Search Of.

The aforementioned items are fascinating to discuss but only the young intellect thinks they are real or even possible or should only be mentioned when fully clothed and not inside a male-only sauna.

After all, legends and myths are just that. Stories invented to show the banality of our existence.

"Our world sucks. I hate it," I say in my best pouting voice as I kick the ground in frustration.

When you're OLD you are resigned to the fact that the only interesting crap in this snoozer of a universe is shit like the miracle of life, the wonder of language, and sublimeness of mathematics.

B to the O to the R to the I to the N to the G.