When you’re old you no longer have to trust others. In fact it’s a requirement of being old and it feels very good. When you’re young you’re still expected to carry the burden of trusting others (I know it sucks, but don’t worry you’ll grow out of it). To help those still young enough to have faith in others (yuck), I’ve compiled a list of people and things that should not be trusted:
Never trust anyone who smiles all the time.
Never trust anyone who wears a coat when it’s warm, especially if it’s a trench coat.
Never trust a dude if he doesn’t watch the Super Bowl.
Never trust anyone named Curt.
Never trust anything you read on the internet or in the New York Times and be extremely distrustful if it’s on the New York Times website.
Never trust anything you hear on your local news station, your regional news network or on the national news.
Never trust anyone who tells you they’re something. Chances are if they have to tell you they’re something then they aren’t that thing they are a different thing. Either way the thing they are is untrustworthy!
Never trust anyone from southern Canada. Those bastards!
Never trust anyone with a toothpick in their mouth.
Never trust lacrosse players. Sneaky. Sneaky. Sneaky.
Never trust a anyone who tells you they have a fetish for thinning hair, they only wear a wedding ring to hide a scar and just to ignore the panting sounds emanating from behind the murphy bed… I hate to say it but I learned that from personal experience.
Never trust middle management.
Finally and most importantly, never trust anyone who tells you not to trust someone else. They are the least trustworthy of all!
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